Life's "Firsts" | March 2026

March 23, 2026

Hello Friends,

For most of my life, I have been a student of a mystery: my own identity.

Growing up, there were many chapters of my family’s past that were kept in the shadows. As a young girl, I spent years digging for "breadcrumbs" that never quite added up to a whole loaf. I remember being in the 5th grade, approaching a girl on the bus who looked like me, and asking, “What are you?” When she told me she was Filipino, I ran home to ask my Mom what that meant. Her answer was simple: “We are.”

That was the beginning of a long, often confusing discovery. For decades, I struggled to find where I fit in. I made three separate attempts to return to the Philippines to put the puzzle pieces together, but for one reason or another—including being talked out of attending my birth father’s funeral—the door always seemed to close.

I realized recently that I have been living a bit like the Crystal Merchant in Paulo Coelho’s book, The Alchemist. The merchant dreams of going to Mecca his entire life but never goes. He admits he is afraid that the reality won't live up to the "perfection of the fantasy." He prefers the dream because it sustains him; he fears that once the dream is achieved, he’ll have nothing left to look forward to.

For years, I think I was afraid to go to the Philippines because the "romanticized" version of my history was safer than the potential of being rejected by it. I preferred the perfect fantasy over the potential disappointment.

But this month, the "dream" becomes a lived experience. I have my airline ticket!

To be honest, the timing is far from perfect. It is my son Samuel’s senior year, I’ve never traveled this far alone, and Rob and I haven't been apart this long in our 22 years of marriage. The anxiety is real. But my Mom, who once swore she’d never go back, is going to meet me there.

How could I not go?

I am reminded of a famous dialogue from The Alchemist: "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity."

I am finally ready to face the fear. I am ready to see the Philippines through my Mom’s lens and discover the place where I was born. Perhaps now is the time to finally find healing in the deep places of my heart that have been silently searching for so long.

By the time you read this, I will be on my journey. I ask for your prayers—for safety, for healing between my Mom and me, and for the peace that comes when a long battle is finally surrendered to God.

Thank you for being part of my story. My life is truly richer because of you.

With love and hope,

Rica