Cinderella Complex | November 2023

Hello Friends,

I have a confession to make. Some of you aren’t going to like it. In fact, some of you may think this is coming out of left field. You’re going to think this is completely out of character … 

I recently self-diagnosed myself with Cinderella Complex: The Cinderella Complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence – an unconscious desire to be taken care of by someone else. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older. 

As I grow older, I’ve been fantasizing about what life would be like if someone else took care of me … meaning, what if I simply no longer needed to work and someone took care of all of my needs? No more striving. No more alarm clocks. No more having to cook or clean. No more worrying about paying my bills. Someone taking care of every want or need I had. Having all of my daily needs met without a concern in the world … sounds other worldly, right?

I know, some of you may be shocked to learn that someone like me, who has always been fiercely independent, a hard worker, goal oriented and always on the go, could actually consider a paradigm shift so extreme and out of character. How could I even imagine that this kind of life might be wonderful? Well, I daydream about it because I’m tired of being tired. Having grown up without a father figure, truth be told, I fantasize about being “Daddy’s girl” and being taken care of until … It kind of happened!

Recently I had carpal tunnel surgery and I was “forced” to rely on my husband and son to do EVERYTHING for me. Don’t get me wrong, the no cooking and cleaning part was pretty awesome … until it wasn’t. The guilt of not being able to help and “do my share” snuck in quicker than I anticipated. 

The lesson? The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Yes, I know, this example is a little extreme. Being “forced” versus having the choice to be wholly cared for is a very different dynamic altogether. What did I learn? That my husband and son are wonderful caretakers. They filled in the gap and took great care of me in my time of need. And, being in a situation where you have no choice but to rely on others is a vulnerable place to be, however, if you are surrounded by people who genuinely love you, you are in wonderful hands!

Now that I’m on the other side of recovery and, finally, getting back into the swing of things, I have a greater appreciation for the ability to function unassisted. So, maybe I’m not ready to be taken care of by my “Prince Charming” husband just yet … give me a few more years, I’m sure I’ll be more than ready for the glass slipper life!

Here’s to living happily ever after,

~Rica