November is such a symbolic month for me … 30 years ago in November I had the most traumatic experience of my life. For many years following that event I feared the month of November. The time change in November and the sun setting so much earlier than any other time of the year only added to my fear. I lived this way for 13 years of my life, to be exact.
My obsessive compulsive tendencies were heightened during this time. As a single woman living on my own, I was always frantic to get home before it got completely dark outside and, once home, I would turn on all of the lights in my apartment and open every door and look under my bed to make sure there was no one inside my space.
I lived many years of my life with inexplicable anxiety and numbness (I learned many years later that “numbness” was a coping mechanism in which I disassociated with reality and a form of PTSD). I can’t begin to tell you how I felt when I learned that the feelings I’d lived with for so long weren’t “normal.” I had resorted to the fact that this was my lot in life … until about several years later when I gave my life to the Lord. That was the beginning of my road to recovery and restoration.
A lot of things began to happen in my life that I, quite frankly, never thought I was worthy of, or I thought I would never have the privilege of experiencing. Somehow, love found me and some of the things I’d always dreamed of for my life began to be realized … I got married to someone who accepted me just as I was, in all of my brokenness. Not only did I gain a husband, I also gained an extended family that loved me like I was one of their own. Being raised by a single mom and a family of 3, I’d always dreamt of being part of a large family and now I was! There are too many blessings to share in one letter. However, the biggest and most amazing gift God gave me is the birth of my only child, my son, Samuel.
We were told that he would be born on December 5th. God in all of His Sovereign Goodness & Grace orchestrated my son’s birth in the month of November! The very month I’d feared and dreaded for 13 years … God, in one fell swoop, literally, washed away all of the terror and trepidation I associated with the month of November with the amazing birth of my son.
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