Running For Myself

Hello Friends,

I’ve been doing a lot of work on ME lately. Mostly work on healing past wounds. It hasn’t been fun, however, it has brought a lot of awareness. I’ve worked on healing past hurts before. In fact, I thought I was ahead of the game until I realized I wasn’t.

One of the things that got brought up is how I deal with trauma, past hurts and fears. Well, how I’ve dealt with it in the past is either fight or flight! About 9 years ago I wanted to run away from my life so I, literally, started running. I knew I wasn’t ever going to leave my life although, at times, I felt like I wanted to. At those times I’d just run and run and run. In fact, since I was running so much, I decided to start running half marathons!

Many years before that, my tendency was to fight. I was combative, both physically and verbally. I certainly wasn’t pleasant to be around.

Recently, I started running again and I experienced something I’ve never experienced before while running … I was actually enjoying it! My pace is steady and calm, my breathing isn’t labored. I’m enjoying myself and I have gratitude for the scenery around me and I feel content. I’m not striving to prove anything, or fight and labor to keep up with a pace that’s beyond my capacity. I’m just running … feeling truly grateful to be alive, to have the ability to use my legs and run without pain or without having to prove anything, especially to myself.

Isn’t that a lot like life? I think early on, I just felt this need to prove myself … the lies I believed as truth that I wasn’t worth anything drove me to strive and toil (and fight) until I became overworked with a chip on my shoulder and just, plain, unhappy … and, still, after all of that striving …

I still didn’t feel like I was enough.

Now, as I mature in age and wisdom (hopefully), I’m enjoying the race. I love who I am. I love the skin I’m in. There’s no laboring or striving to prove myself to the world and to keep up with an invisible and unrealistic expectation of what life is supposed to look like. I’m just me … running the race at my pace, enjoying the scenery, grateful to be alive, and grateful to have the ability to move.

Resist the fight and flight tendency and lean into yielding and rest.

Wishing you all a life of contentment & sweet surrender,

Rica